I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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