I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
