There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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