and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
