You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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