Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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