Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize