Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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