Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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