What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
