how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
