And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize