so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Randomize
