upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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