p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize