I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dicks are not precious.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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