We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
