He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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