WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
