got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
