i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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