I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
