And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
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Do I have a choice?
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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