Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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