You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just high enough for therapy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
