I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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