I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize