I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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