btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
