He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
