the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
