I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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