first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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