I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
