Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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