So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
