Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
