I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
