dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
