If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
