The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
