No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize