When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
