Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
