When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
