Its about making memories worth repressing
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
