If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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