i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize