There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
