I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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