all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
