ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
