I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
