i barfeds in our rink
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
