He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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