I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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