so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
