she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
