she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize