3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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