You work out of a Hotel?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
