Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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