So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
