Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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