Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
