Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
