He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
