somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
