There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
