what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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