Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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