I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
