I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
