I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
