i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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