the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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