the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
