she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize